Puff the magic dragon

Warning:  This is not a happy post, but as I said, my blog is also like a journal so I am going to share.

This evening I was catching up on the latest episode of Glee.  I knew it was the "Cheesus" epsidoe (Jesus featured on a grilled cheese sandwich), and to be honest I expected to roll my eyes, but instead I cried my eyes out.  The dad of one of the characters ends up in the hospital due to a heart attack.  The episode also includes reminiscing a funeral.  That had me in tears thinking about my dad. 

That was when it hit me.  I can not remember the last time I saw my dad.  I honestly cannot remember.  I remember my graduation on August 6, 2005.  He passed away on September 2, 2005.  I think I went home between those days, but today I couldn't remember.  At the time of the accident, I remember not being able to recall what our last phone conversation was about.  We used to talk multiple times a day, about everything and nothing at the same time.  I figured we must have just been talking about the basic day-to-day activities, and at the time it wasn't a significant conversation, so I didn't remember the details.  But the fact that today I could not remember our last visit... that nearly killed me. 

After my balling, I took a shower to help me calm down and decided to focus on good memories.  That is when I remembered earlier in the day when a friend showed me a box of vinyl records that her dad had sent her.  The one record she pulled out of the box was Peter, Paul, and Mary.  You know, with "Leaving on a Jet Plane", "If I Had a Hammer", and "Puff the Magic Dragon".  My dad, siblings, and myself used to sing Peter, Paul, and Mary as loud as we could in the car on road trips to visit my grandparents.  I even had a video of Puff the Magic Dragon... you know, back when my only thought about that song actually involved a magical dragon.  Focusing on good memories really helped.  I hope to keep writing those memories down.

Thanks for "listening" to me vent.

More old pictures with Dad

Blogger has finally decided to cooperate for uploading pictures, as long as I am on the old uploader. Here are the other pictures I wanted to post of my dad. Unfortunately captions are not working.

September 2nd... I miss you, Dad.

"Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy." ~Author Unknown, inspired by an Eskimo Legend

Dad,


I love you and miss you so very much!  I know that you are so very happy for me and Chris.  I wish you were here to walk me down the aisle, but I know that you are always with me in spirit and have a special place in my heart.


I love you. I miss you, Dad. (5/23/57-9/2/05)


Love Always & Forever,
Your daughter,


Jessica


I had some more pictures that I wanted to upload, but Blogger only let me upload 2 before saying saying "server rejected" on all the rest.  According to a search, this seems to be an issue with Blogger at the moment.  So for now, these are the only two pictures I could upload.  The first is from my undergraduate graduation, taken just under a month before my dad passed away.  It is one of the few last pictures I have of him.  The second shows what I was and always will be... Daddy's Girl.

Losing a parent...

My friend Erin is going through a really rough time.  Her father is being put in hospice care this week.  Back in January he was put in the hospital for MRSA.  He seemed to be improving after heart surgery, but I'm afraid it has gotten worse.  My heart is absolutely breaking for her! 

I know what it is like to lose your dad, because I lost mine on September 2, 2005 in a motorcycle accident.  He was wearing a helmet, and I was told by a nurse who witnessed the crash and attempted CPR that he died instantly.  Waking up to that phone call was by far the worst experience of my life.  In an effort to find some silver lining, I can say that going through that experience taught me just how very strong of a person I am.  Whenever life seems overwhelming and I feel weak, I remind myself that if I can survive that, I can survive anything.

I am so happy for Erin that she has a chance to say good-bye, but at the same time I cannot image what it would be like to anticipate losing a parent.  As I said, my heart is breaking for her.  She is such a wonderful person, and I wish she wasn't going through this horrible experience.  My prayers go out to Erin and her family, including her husband Kyle, who is one of my very good friends.  I know this is very hard on him as well. 

I felt the need to post something, because this has really been weighing on my mind lately.  Thank you for "listening".  I love you Erin and Kyle!

Me and My Dad.

Graduating with my BS in Forensic Science in August 2005

Look Out For Motorcycles!

Today I saw an emergency helicopter picking someone up from an accident involving a motorcycle. Please, please look out for motorcycles!! And for those of you who have a motorcycle, don't be idiots!! Drive with care! And I don't give a shit if you have the insurance, where a helmet! And the rest of the gear! (Note: In Florida if you are at least 21 and have the appropriate insurance, you are not required by law to wear a helmet. As an additional note, my dad was wearing a helmet, so I know that they are not a cure all, but dammit your odds are better when you're wearing a helmet!)