Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Puff the magic dragon

Warning:  This is not a happy post, but as I said, my blog is also like a journal so I am going to share.

This evening I was catching up on the latest episode of Glee.  I knew it was the "Cheesus" epsidoe (Jesus featured on a grilled cheese sandwich), and to be honest I expected to roll my eyes, but instead I cried my eyes out.  The dad of one of the characters ends up in the hospital due to a heart attack.  The episode also includes reminiscing a funeral.  That had me in tears thinking about my dad. 

That was when it hit me.  I can not remember the last time I saw my dad.  I honestly cannot remember.  I remember my graduation on August 6, 2005.  He passed away on September 2, 2005.  I think I went home between those days, but today I couldn't remember.  At the time of the accident, I remember not being able to recall what our last phone conversation was about.  We used to talk multiple times a day, about everything and nothing at the same time.  I figured we must have just been talking about the basic day-to-day activities, and at the time it wasn't a significant conversation, so I didn't remember the details.  But the fact that today I could not remember our last visit... that nearly killed me. 

After my balling, I took a shower to help me calm down and decided to focus on good memories.  That is when I remembered earlier in the day when a friend showed me a box of vinyl records that her dad had sent her.  The one record she pulled out of the box was Peter, Paul, and Mary.  You know, with "Leaving on a Jet Plane", "If I Had a Hammer", and "Puff the Magic Dragon".  My dad, siblings, and myself used to sing Peter, Paul, and Mary as loud as we could in the car on road trips to visit my grandparents.  I even had a video of Puff the Magic Dragon... you know, back when my only thought about that song actually involved a magical dragon.  Focusing on good memories really helped.  I hope to keep writing those memories down.

Thanks for "listening" to me vent.

1 comment:

  1. I'm thinking that more important than that last visit...would be ALL of the other amazing moments that you DO remember. Keep your head up Jes.


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